


I Asked For A Date, Not Death!

by luihandle



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Blind Date, First Dates, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) Being an Idiot, sort of murder au?, this is a confusing fic to tag properly i give up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luihandle/pseuds/luihandle
Summary: What was supposed to be a peaceful train ride for Mark was destroyed by a secret agent named Haechan mentioning his blind date is a serial killer out to kill him.OrJohnny has an insane blind date impression idea for his two closest friends.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 6
Kudos: 70





	I Asked For A Date, Not Death!

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta-ed so pardon for the mistakes and inconsistencies

Mark hates train rides.

It’s not that he’s against the existence of any rail transport (he actually believes trains are one of the most useful transportation systems the mankind ever invented— _all hail science and engineering_ ), but Mark’s history and luck with the most of his train rides are, for whatever reason, unpleasant (usually he ends up on a crowded train cabin, sandwiched in between stinky lads or oldies) and borderline traumatic (previous case: stolen wallet and phone).

Mark really really hopes luck’s on his side today. He would love to, and much prefer to, to have a fleetingly painless travel in this behemoth vehicle and not to appear assaulted by butts and sweaty armpits for almost an hour.

Really. Even just for today would be nice because he has a blind date to attend to and he just wishes to be as presentable as possible for the sake of good first impressions.

(He steps in to the train and crosses his fingers.)

“...no way.”

The Gods above must have listened to his incoherent prayers because...

“The train is almost empty?!”

Mark kind of sort of inhales.

“And it smells _nice_?!”

He slides to the empty seat adjacent to the door and caresses the leather seat in such glee.

“Trains actually have a seat to sit onto?!”

He sheds his non-existent tear.

“God is freaking real thank you Jesus I’ll be forever a devotee.”

“Uh excuse me...”

Mark looks up mid-celebration and takes a brief pause to glance at the stranger standing before him.

“...sorry for interrupting your personal surrender to the up above. But is this the train going to Central Park?”

The stranger is of moderate height, bearing nicely styled brown hair and expressive eyes. He is wearing all-black from the hat up to his shoes with a backpack dangling on his left shoulder.

“Uh.”

And the young man is really attractive.

“Uh?”

“Uhh..”

Ridiculously attractive that he feels he’s committing a sin because he’s literally a ride away to meet someone for a potentially romantic relationship.

“...am I in the wrong train?”

“No, I mean, you’re in the right train, this is headed to the Central Park, second to the last station, you can go out there or maybe you’re just asking and headed to a different station...”

The stranger’s brows knit into an expression of confusion.

“That’s where I’m going to... yeah this is going to the Central Park.”

The stranger looks at him before he stifles an awkward smile and sits next to him. “Thanks, I thought I went to the wrong train.”

“No, thank _you,_ ” Mark mutters, eyes glancing to the ceiling towards an imaginary Jesus image.

“What?”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Mark.” Mark offers his hands.

“Mark?” The stranger repeats. He takes a long pause to stare at Mark’s face. The time he takes is definitely bypassing standard social protocol, but Mark only fidgets. “Mark Lee?”

“…yes?”

“Mark Lee… Lee Minhyung from Canada?”

By then, Mark yeets his hands away from the stranger as he mouths _what the fuck_.

The stranger pulls out a laptop from his bag as he scrolls through some documents Mark can’t see before looking back up at Mark. “Mark Lee, born on 1999 in Toronto. Grew up in Vancouver and moved to Seoul to pursue your studies.”

“What,” Mark squeaks.

“Mark Lee.”

“What,” Mark squeaks again.

“I am Haechan and I was sent to protect you.”

“What?”

“I was sent to protect you because your blind date is a serial killer out to kill you.”

“Oh. Like kill me as in take away my life or kill me like one of those prank shows—”

“You see that guy over there? That one sitting at the corner with a huge briefcase?”

Mark turns, seeing the guy Haechan is pointing at looking at them as he pulls something from the briefcase.

It’s just covered in a black cloth, but Mark is certain that’s a mini ax he’s holding.

Mark chokes in his own spit.

“He’s an accomplice of your date.”

“To make our blind date successful?”

“To kill you before the day ends.”

“Well,” Mark swallows the lump in his throat as he clings his arms to this Haechan character for his dear life, his voice three octaves higher than usual. “ _You go, girl._ ”

Mark sinks in to his seat to take a call as he glances to Haechan that is just strangely scrolling something from his phone and not paying attention to that ax guy that he’s certain already inched closer to them at this point.

“JOHNNY SUH!”

“Hello Mark how’s your date coming—”

“I WILL SERIOUSLY PULL YOU WITH ME INTO MY GRAVE.”

“…what.”

“You arranged a blind date for me with a serial killer!”

“…and?”

“I’M LITERALLY ON MY WAY TO MY DEATH BED!”

“…”

“You literally are friends with terminator!”

“Hey, that’s judging someone without meeting them.”

“He will _kill me._ Fuck, I should get out of here.”

“Don’t ditch him or I’m the one that will kill you in your sleep.”

Mark makes a strangled noise. “I’m going to die.”

“I think you’re just nervous.”

“…I’m dying.”

“Let me know how it goes. Don’t be late!”

Mark sobs as he hugs his phone with his arms. He looks at Haechan with the remaining strength that he has.

“I’ll be reciting my will, can you have your phone on record?”

“Don’t worry, I’m protecting you. You won’t die.”

“My hero.”

“Wait,” Haechan puts his phone on video recording. “Let’s document it just in case I failed to save your life.”

Mark throws his arms in his face and sobs harder.

“Why are you not, you know, on high alert because that ax guy is literally a meter away from us now.”

“He’s in an awkward place. He’s not going to kill you.”

“Oh thank God.”

“…yet.”

Mark makes a strangled gurgling noise. “Whyyyyy? I’m not the person that usually brags, but I believe I lived a good and honest life! I voluntarily donate to charities, I play with puppies at the dog pound near me because I think they’re lonely…I even help the elderlies cross the street happily!”

Haechan scrolls through his phone.

“I think many people likes me!”

He’s still scrolling.

“THEY LIKE ME!”

Finally, he puts down his phone, squints, and looks at Mark with a sympathetic smile. “Serial killers don’t have a reason to kill someone.”

Mark isn’t quite sure why this is happening to him of all people. He tries, while staring at Haechan’s side profile, to think of why would Johnny set him up to a murderer, which leads to some recollections in the past if he, at some point, might have offended Johnny.

(He can’t recall any—his life is free of substantial disruption and the only offensive thing he can remember doing is replacing Johnny’s deo stick with cheese on April fools day.)

“Do you know someone named Johnny Suh?” Mark decides to ask. Maybe Johnny is secretly a gang leader’s son.

“I don’t.”

“But you know my supposedly blind date?”

“Lee Donghyuck has been assigned to my watch since yesterday so I know some things about him.”

“Why does he want to kill me?!” Mark blurts out again.

“His motives isn’t clear, but we’re a hundred percent certain he’s off to chop your head.”

“We?”

“Me and my boss JS.”

Mark blinks confusedly.

“…who?”

Haechan is actually not Haechan.

He’s an ordinary student and not a hired agent, majoring in music and arts from one of the most prestigious universities in Seoul. From academics, personality, and social circle, he has everything going smoothly…

Aside from a romantic relationship that he has to admit, he’s more than incompetent.

And so one of his good friends contacted him, proudly claiming he’s the ultimate bachelor matchmaker in Korea…

His good friend named Johnny Suh.

“We’re off to the next station.”

“Fuck I’m going _to die._ ”

Haechan stands up and slips his phone on his back pocket. “Just go outside the train and walk normally.”

“Normally, as if that ax guy is not after me and my date is not going to kill me?”

“I’ll be trailing you so don’t panic.”

“Oh yes,” Mark stands up and almost collapses with his trembling knees. “Totally not panicking right now.”

“Just go inside the restaurant you booked and wait for your date—”

“You mean my killer.”

“—your killer to arrive. I got that from there.”

Mark shoots an expressionless glare to Haechan.

“Alright, well, this has been a nice plan. I’m going to go ahead and jump out of the train now, if you’ll excuse me…”

“He’s going to think it’s so funny.”

“I feel like acting as a secret agent, which is me, and telling someone their blind date wants to kill them, which is apparently also me, isn’t a nice blind date setup for starters.”

“No, trust me Donghyuck. It’s going to be hilarious. He’ll piss his pants thinking of it years into the future when you guys are a happy gay couple with adopted cats and puppies.”

Right at the corner of a reserved, half-occupied table for two is Mark Lee fidgeting at his toes, inwardly hyperventilating as he scans the room for Haechan for safety.

“I know that secret agent is incompetent!”

He angrily grabs and munches the garlic bread served to him a while ago.

“My life is at stake and he left me here, alone, with this weirdly stingy garlic bread!”

Mark finishes the small basket of garlic bread when he realizes something.

His date hasn’t arrived yet.

And this Haechan guy _is missing_.

“Oh my fucking God.”

“JOHNNYYYYY.”

There is a disgruntled sigh on the other end of the line before incoherent foreign courses spill through the phone receiver, settling nicely against Mark’s eardrum. “Shouldn’t be you on your date right now?”

Mark ducks under the table, ignoring the stares he gets from the customers around him. “This is mind-blowing I can’t believe this is happening to me.”

“Are you getting laid?”

“This Haechan,” Mark whispers. “Someone named Haechan, a secret agent or something, approached me at the train, telling me my blind date is out to kill me. And then he suddenly disappeared when I arrived here at the restaurant, and he instructed me to wait for my killer, a.k.a date, to arrive and he got it from there.”

“…so?”

“They’re the same person!”

(By then, Mark is no longer aware to the idea of whispering and he’s almost ninety-nine percent positive that customers inside the restaurant have their eyes on him.)

“I’m a genius Johnny, I literally saved my own life from your killer friend!”

“…congratulations?”

“Good thing I haven’t seen him make a move to kill me—OH MY GOD THAT GARLIC BREAD THAT CAME FROM NOWHERE WHAT IF IT WAS POISONED?! I think I’m dying? It’s stingy when it’s supposed to be not? I THINK I’M DYING. No way, oh my god, I’m going to be so pissed if I die today, oh my god someone literally better help me if I start foaming at the mouth. Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck! This is so shitty! Why didn’t I think of poison?! I knew something’s off with that bread!”

“Sort it out before Donghyuck arrives.”

The line went off and Mark clings to his neck.

Fifteen minutes later, Haechan sits in the empty seat in front of Mark, completely puzzled as to why he is throwing sign of the crosses at him.

“What are you doing?”

“Thank you very much for that garlic bread. It was fantastic with the arsenic.”

“Huh.”

“And the rat poison gave it a flair too.”

“…I’m sorry?”

“ _I know who you are, serial killer Donghyuck._ ”

Mark really does think it’s a bummer because Haechan is seemingly a great guy with a cute face and he’d be a great person to go on more frequent dates with if today weren’t the day he was supposedly set to die.

And if Haechan wasn’t the one who was planning on killing him.

He wonders, for the briefest of seconds, if this is how all murders are supposed to work out. Something seems entirely unlike the movies, and Mark is questioning the validity of such ulterior motives.

“Uh Mark.”

“Yes murderer?”

“Since you already figured out that I’m Donghyuck, just call me Donghyuck, this Haechan thing is confusing.”

“Okay Donghyuck.”

“Uh. So. I haven’t really been telling you the full truth, and I’m afraid you actually believed the false truth?”

“…okay?”

“For starters, I didn’t poison the garlic bread—“

“ _Whew”_

“And I’m not a secret agent—”

“Because you’re a murderer yes I already got that in the bag.”

“Just shut up for a second I’m talking.”

“My bad.”

Donghyuck raises his hands to get another restaurant menu.

“I’m not a secret agent, and I’m not a serial killer too.”

“Uh what.”

The restauranteur hands Donghyuck the menu, which oddly looks like the ax guy from the train a while ago.

“Thanks Taeil.”

Mark’s facial expression reflects absolute horror.

“I’m just a university student, and this may or may not have all been a brilliant ploy to get this blind date sort of _interesting and special_.”

Donghyuck scans through the food list.

“A brilliant ploy by Johnny Suh.”

Donghyuck looks at Mark.

“Also know as my boss JS.”

“MARK HOLD UP HOLD UP PUT THE BASEBALL BAT DOWN. I WAS THINKING OF YOU WHEN I DID THIS LOOK ISN’T DONGHYUCK CUTE AREN’T I SUCH A NICE FRIEND FOR HOOKING YOU TWO UP—oh my god no, please, no, NO, PUT DOWN MY EDM MIXTAPE RECORDINGS!”

("I only told Donghyuck to do it because I know you have a thing with spy shenanigans and both of you need a nice ice breaker! Okay, in retrospect, I guess he didn't have to act like someone was going to kill you, but now we can all laugh about it and STOP IT WHY ARE YOU MOVING TOWARDS MY MIXTAPES AGAIN?")

(In the end, Mark and Donghyuck enjoyed their first date and mutually decides to keep seeing each other. Mark overcomes his brief hatred for Johnny, though he never fails to threaten the elder’s EDM mixtapes whenever the opportunity arises.)

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to continue a spin-off Doyoung/Jaehyun fic on the NCT Systems series but was sidetracked because of sniper!haechan in NCT 127's 2021 Season's Greetings gone crack with the idea of an unforgettable first date. It's an impulse fic, hence, being too short.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/luihandle)


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